Love that brings peace

Having a small child that screams a lot can be nerve-wrecking. I never really thought about that before becoming a parent. Plus, other kids might have acted crazy at home, where I was not present. Or I just did not have a filter for this before and ignored screaming kids in my environment. Now I have one myself. I remember it annoyed me when there where screaming kids in a train or bus near me.
I never knew how helpless, frustrated, irritated and most of all desperate parents can feel when their child screams and they have no clue why.
But now I am facing these emotions. And honestly sometimes nearly on a daily basis. To spice things a little up hormones add to this and I have a hefty cocktail of emotions that wants to be downed. If my husband does not do exactly as I have told him in these situations feelings of hate want to crawl up, and I want to throw stuff at him.
I feel ashamed and weak that I am not able to control my emotions in that moment. My patience has come to an end. No more strength and self-control available. The perfect playground for arguments that are anticipated to fail and create vaults of mistrust, anger and frustration. Which might lead to the fact that one withdraws more and more and resigns. This is definately not helping a marriage.

The last time I found myself in this situation I was full of anger, frustration and hints of hate. I told God all my feelings. How I am ashamed about it. How I want to love my husband and not want to throw things at him. I told God everything. All the details, all the shame.
I remembered his promise that when I am weak, he is strong (2 Corinthians 12,9). So I asked him to take over. Dumped all emotions in front of the cross and reminded Jesus that he also died for that. And asked for his strength. For his Holy Spirit. Because the fruits of the Holy Spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5,22-23). And I needed all of that. I thanked God for meeting me and refilling my empty cup.
After my prayer I felt uplifted, I traded hate for love. Shame for forgiveness. Weakness for strength and frustration for gentleness and self-control.
Family is in my eyes the core of society, it is where we teach our children what is right and what is good. It is where they learn compassion, how to make wise choices and most of all how to love. If we ourselves are not able to do that. What are we teaching our children?

I made the experience that I need God in everything. I need him in big situations, but a whole lot also in small situations, in daily life. I need his strength, because his is an unexhausted source of power. I need his love, because love is much stronger than hate. And his love for me is endless. I need his peace and wisdom.
After that prayer I felt filled up again. I was able to act in a normal way again, think logically again. Love my husband again and have mercy and forgiveness for him.
I noticed that it is the love of God that has transformed my situation and brought peace back to our household that evening.

So whatever our situation, we can ask him for his love and forgiveness. So we are able to love and forgive the person who has done us wrong. And his love is the bridge-builder, the one thing that brings peace into our lives and relationships.