Love as purpose

Somehow I continue to struggle with my purpose. It pops up every now and then. I actively think and search about it when I am unbalanced. And when I am unbalanced I am impatient, easy to get ticked off and generally not in the best mood and worst of all, unthankful. It is shameful to admit this because I have so many reasons to be thankful for. And I live such a priviledged life having a job, a nice apartment, a handsome husband and a healthy son. Why is it, that this unthankfulnes keeps creeping up on me and brings out the worst side of me? When it gets really bad and I do not notice it my husband lets me know that I should do some sport. Yes, working out helps, but it does not hit the core of it.
I guess the main reason for that is because of a lacking purpose in my life. Shortly before Corona we moved to the south of Germany and I was not able to go to church and to serve. And I also had no continuous ministry. So the question that kept on popping up was: what am I supposed to do here and what is my purpose?

My husband and I got married and we had a son within the last two years. Those are giant moments in life, but when daily routines came back the longing for a purpose also came back. So I started to write little notes for my neighbors for christmas and easter, to show and spread some love and joy during that dull Corona time. And I noticed that when I put Jesus’ command to love my neighbor into action I found joy and purpose in this work.

But God gave me so much love that I have much more to give and to share, so that is why I started this blog. My parental leave is coming to an end, and I am not very excited about going back to my old job, that is why I applied for other jobs. I asked God during my quite time where he wants me and what I should do in regards of my job situation. Where should I put my focus? We thought of starting a video channel, in addition to this blog, so more people could be reached. After that prayer I opened the bible and the first words that I saw were “Lord’s follower”. So I knew. And I got the confirmation again. It is not about me. It is not about the old job or a new job, it is about him and his kingdom. So my laser focus should be on him and reaching more people, so there will be more followers of Jesus. Because he has loved me first, provides me with the love that I need, and equipes me with what I need to fulfil his work, I find purpose in him.